In finding my way to the train, I had to take the Metro 217 to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. When the bus arrived the doors didn’t open because there was a man faking a seizure to get out of the bus fare; he was sitting on the floor, blocking the front entrance. We had to enter from the rear… Something I am not opposed to. When I finally arrived at Hollywood & Highland I could see stars on the sidewalk and several people dressed as your favorite television and movie favorites. Most of them are a rough approximation at best. Dora the Explorer had a good looking head, but her body looked like Aunt Jemima.

When I finally peeled my gaze off the crazy happenings on the street I made my way down into the surprisingly well decorated bowels of the LA Red Line subway. Apparently this morning there was an accident involving a train that caused major delays. The red line was down to one track and was stopping in the middle of tunnels to let other trains by. So there I was, stuck in a tunnel with a bunch of smelly strangers.

When life gives you lemons, chat up a visitor from Albuquerque.

I met a man who left LA 15 years ago to get away from the ‘city’. Funny thing… He still comes back every few years because his town in New Mexico is “too slow.” Nothing else interesting to report, other than the guy with obvious Turret’s that can’t seem to stop yelling “Balls!” I finally got to Downtown LA and the Blue Line train back home to Long Beach.

You’ll never guess who got on the same train car!!!!!  “Balls!!!!!!” I really thought we were about to have a fight between some Watts thugs, a sleeping security guard, and the blind dude who reeks of weed and only wants $2.37 so he can get a McDonalds double cheeseburger and a vanilla shake. This dude was NUTS! He kept banging on the windows and yelling at the train to go faster. And finally we reach the present time….

The crazy dude wandered to the other car, the Fare Inspector has verified that I’m not cheating the system, and I’m soooo tired. I’m still about 20 minutes out from Downtown Long Beach…

I think I’m safe….

Well…. Here’s a good one that I’ve finally made some use of. Ever just want to tell someone off, in person or over IM? Now you have a new tool in addition to your verbal arsenal….

http://www.SitAndWiggle.com (Refresh it a few times for the fun part!)

Enjoy!!

I’m talking about a relationship where you think about it every morning when you wake and each night before you go to bed. You spend most of your waking hours intimately involved in each tiny little bit of their inner-workings. Something that is so much a part of your life it has the ability to make you overwhelmed with happiness, anxious, stressed out, angry, or depressed unlike almost anything else can. It can be almost impossible at times to think about anything else at times. You know you’ll both survive without each other, but keep hanging in that sickly co-dependent way for the good of both. That kind of relationship.

And who or what might that entity be? The company I work for… My Job.

Don’t all applaud at once… Really… It’s ok.

Vegas[n]:

VEGAS![v]: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas… unless you’re on CubanJon.com

————–

After a pleasant afternoon visiting with Mom, Dad, and many of the siblings (the wording is correct, but that’s a different story) Cuban Jon gets a text message from Kangmage, a college friend and current buddy. I had just missed his birthday and he mentioned the idea of going to Vegas… It didn’t take long for me to be convinced. You see, Cuban Jon has been working a little more than usual and has dropped off the radar. I needed to get out of town, and this was the most irresponsible, exciting, spur of the moment, and yet quite reasonable option available. Let’s forget that we didn’t have a room, much cash, or a clue about what was about to happen. 

Kangmage mentioned that his friends, one of them an acquaintance of mine who’s path has crossed mine more often than he will ever know, were going to be at Krave (The New & ONLY gay nightclub on The Strip.) So, having no plans, I prepared myself to be bled dry for an outrageous cover charge and over-priced watered down drinks. Thankfully, Kangmage paid my cover and bought a round of drinks as we walked in the door.

It was then that I realized this place was hosting the after-party for the Madonna concert that had just let out minutes before… Packed wall to wall with the biggest group of gay stereotypes I’ve ever has the displeasure of having to share sardine-like accommodations with in a nightclub. This is not to say that Cuban Jon isn’t known for queening out on occasion or that I don’t enjoy listening to Madonna myself, but I’m never going to pay crazy amounts of $$$$ to attend one of her concerts and you’ll probably never find a Madonna CD in my collection…. Moving on. We ran into Kangmage’s friends and they mentioned that they had an extra room. Thanks to that, Kangmage could now drink and play to his heart’s content and Cuban Jon only had to make sure to get him to the room in time to worship the porcelain god and pass out in bed. The partying began…

Sometime around 3:30am, Cuban Jon and Kangmage realized that they couldn’t much handle more dancing and drinking… Thankfully Cuban Jon only had two drinks shortly after arrival and by this point was very much with it. In exchange for the generous room offering I offered to drive Kangmage’s friends to the Treasure Island where they were staying, then head off to the Riviera where their extra room. I didn’t ask questions and immediately parked the car by the Valet when I could tell 2 of my 3 passengers were about to vomit in Brian Reginald Green!!! OOOOHHHH NOOOO!!!!

They all ran into the lobby of the Treasure Island and went directly into the nearest restroom. Stalls were left unlocked and everyone else in the restroom was either amused or disgusted as the sounds and smells permeated the room. Cuban Jon, of course, sat himself down at a nickel slot machine to play while he watched the boys repeatedly enter and exit the restroom. YUK!

After settling some stomachs and parting ways with Kangmage’s friends, we made our way to the hotel with the extra room… Upon arrival we could remember all the numbers in the room number, but not the actual number itself. Cuban Jon dragged poor Kangmage (who was still very broken) around to several floors trying each permutation of the numbers. At one point Cuban Jon tried almost every door on a floor just in case. NO LUCK! Having much luck in the past with either gender in the past, Cuban Jon decides to go down and sweet talk the front desk clerk and find out which room Kangmage’s friends left for us.

It didn’t take long to find out that Kangmage’s buddies were too drunk to remember that they already checked out of their extra room before going out to Krave. THIS WAS BAD BAD BAD! Memorial Day Weekend, all rooms sold out everywhere we looked. Cuban Jon enlisted the assistance of his Boston-based Evil Twin and his handy dandy Blackberry 7100t to find a last-minute place to crash before Kangmage passed out completely. After a few more emergency trips to the bathrooms by Kangmage, a room was found and booked at a motel across the street from Krave where this fiasco began. We made our way there, only having to stop once for an emergency evacuation of the stomach.

When we arrived at the motel around 6:00am, we were told that our room would be available at 3pm and not immediately as Cuban Jon was assured on the phone just minutes before AND that if we did not want the room we would not receive a refund. After much discussion Cuban Jon received the refund and remembered that his family has a house in Las Vegas… BIG DUH MOMENT!!
By this point Kangmage was barely hanging in. Cuban Jon drove like the wind to the house, practically carried Kangmage in, deposited him in the lush master bedroom, went outside to make phone calls to thank everyone who assisted the previous night, and finally passed out on the bed next to Kangmage. Now keep in mind that this particular house is quite nice and decorated very simply. With all the blinds drawn in the master bedroom, you can’t tell if you’re in a beautiful house on a golf course or a luxury suite at Caesar’s Palace… Kangmage awoke not remembering where we were or how we got there… He was shocked at the extravagant room that Cuban Jon had obviously rented for the night. Cuban Jon, exhausted, was out cold and could not correct the assumption until later.

Finally awake, Cuban Jon and Kangmage make their way back to good ol’ California with smiles and an interesting story. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Kangmage!

Lately the most memorable company advertised is PrivatePhone.com, a division of NetZero (the ISP.) Seeing as I haven’t purchased or burned a new CD for the car in over 2 years, I’ve been forced to listen to the radio to numb the painful feeling of sitting on the freeway in stop-and-go traffic. I’d been hearing about this PrivatePhone.com thing over and over and over for a couple weeks and finally gave in to the strong arm of radio advertising and looked it up today online.

Now it seems to me that you get a phone number (in any area code and local exchange of your choice) that leads callers to a voicemail box that you can check from your phone or from the web. At no charge!! Interesting… Not that useful for Cuban Jon, unless there’s a way to entertain myself with it. So I chatted up Snaggle, a friend from LA who once showed me a website where you can see what your phone number spells. PhoneSpell.org

The hunt was on for the perfect phone number!!!

Found it!!! 562-472-2575 <– You’ll have to look it up on PhoneSpell.org yourself!!

What do you think it is? Post a comment!

I take much pride in the fact that so many people rely on me and most need to know that this particular rant doesn’t apply to them. It doesn’t matter if it’s family, friends, work, volunteering… When you rely on someone to the point they feel like a necessary part of your life. Just help ‘em remember that they’re important.

Christmas was (and usually is) one of the most stressful and exhausting times for yours truly. This year I thought I’d do something extra special and hand-make little artsy-crafty reindeer out of yarn, plastic and googlie eyes. I remember a tree ornament from my grandmother’s tree just like it. It has a little saying on the back, “Squeeze my cheeks and I’ll give you a kiss!”

I thought it was the cutest thing ever and that all my little sibling and cousins would get a kick out of that… Now keep in mind that Cuban Jon is the oldest of 9 kids AND that his cousins number in the mid-20s. In short (which I am, but not very good at keeping a story) this was going to be a MAJOR undertaking. After working all day, I would stay up all night making little toy reindeer until I passed out from exhaustion (or inebriation from the cocktail I was drinking at the time.) I determined that each reindeer took me about 30 minutes and I had to make about 35 in total. Thankfully Ivanhoe (Sammy’s hot ass hubbie, see him here) was willing to sit down for a little bit and play reindeer assembly line with me…

In retrospect, I would have been better off buying everyone iTunes downloads or McDonalds Gift Certificates. UGH… Maybe next year.

Please feel free to view the three commercials with Flash Player 8